I was driving home from Two Rows today in the cold wet weather and I started to ponder about relationships.
Someone mentioned earlier today that no one really dates just to date. But rather, people date to be in relationships. I find it hard to believe that there isn’t a significant percentage of people who just want to enjoy the company of someone without the desire for it to grow into something other than friendship. Hit it and quit it perhaps?
I realized that for the past year or so I’ve had commitment issues. I went from day dreaming about the “perfect” relationship to letting myself date people that secretly, unbeknown to my conscious self, I knew I didn’t really want to be with. I suppose I did it to sabotage myself out of getting into a serious relationship.
The relationship strike probably came about as a bi-product of being in a relationship where I felt like I was reaming myself into a wall. Consistently running head-first into a wall is bound to cause some kind of damage. Not only physical damage mind you, but it could cause prolonged mental anguish as well. This hypothetical wall in my case was probably made of brick and not dry wall. I put everything I had into it in hopes that somehow it’d turn out right, but I think it actually backfired and made me seem mean and overbearing. Tis cause and effect I suppose. I tired hard only to fail miserably. I got scared and was hesitant about starting any new relationships. I fumbled around and tripped all over myself. I guess now is the time where I get on the horse again, ay?
A full-fledged serious relationship was out of the question at the time, but I must admit that I still toyed with the idea of having a boyfriend for a while. Still, the thought in my head lurks… Should I let my guard down and just let someone sweep me off my feet? On the more realistic side, should I stop dooming the relationship before it even begins? Logically, the answer would be yes… Somehow, I know that my over analytical self will try to spoil it anyway. I’m a surprise ruin-er. I’m the person who always tries to figure out what it is before it happens. The sad part is… I almost always get it right. After I figure it out, I’m excited for all of 2 minutes and then I start to wish I would’ve just waited for the surprise.
Who wants Mr.Perfect anyway? He’s boring. Cookie cutter types are for squares. I want Mr.Perfect for Marie.
